Quality time in a relationship is really important, and I’m talking about intentional time that you have put aside to connect with your significant other.
I understand that there are a whole range of relationships so I will break the quality time down to:
• Living together
• Long distance or living apart and also,
• Living together and having kids in the same house
Living together without kids
OK this may sound counter intuitive but it is beneficial not to be spending every minute of the day together.
You must find time to have your independence and give your partner an opportunity to miss you in some way.
Some ways that you can do this:
1. Go for a solo walk
This is a perfect opportunity to clear your head, exercise and create some independence.
2. Wear your headphones if you are doing your own type of work
You can let each other know that once the headphones are on, this means ‘Do not disturb’
3. Hang out in different areas of your home
Another great way to create independence is to work on your hobby in a different area of the house, or to simply do your own thing in a different section of your home
4. Make it really clear on when quality time together is
This is something that couples should prioritise. Relationships don’t become the best without any effort. Yes, you do need to put effort into your relationship! Shift your thinking to one of knowing that all relationships require effort because once you stop putting effort into your relationship, just like anything else, it will begin to deteriorate. It’s like your body for example. If you stop putting effort into exercising and eating well, your physical body can begin to lose muscle tone and put on weight. Just like you take pride in your appearance, take pride in your relationship.
You can pick any number of things to do together and have a conversation about it beforehand to ensure that you’re both in agreement that this is how you want to be spending mindful, intentional time together.
What can you do to spend quality time together in lockdown?
I’ve compiled a list of fun things that you can do.
- Cook a meal together
- Read together. You could read the same book by each of you reading a chapter at a time. It’s also great conversation to discuss the chapter.
- Sit down together without screens. Have a chat! Make a wine and cheese platter if you like, sit down and have a chat like when you first met – how good with those D&Ms?
- Go for walks together. Please try to ignore your phone and be invested in the present moment with your love.
- Play games together
- Do a puzzle together
- Spend some time in the bedroom. If it’s not happening regularly add this into your calendar, trust me, having a really great sex life is beneficial for your mental state as well.
Living together with kids
This one is tougher, that’s for sure. Nevertheless it is important to find a way to make quality time happen.
- Schedule alone time with your partner. Couples who schedule alone time together are actually able to be there for each other more often and seriously, that alone, is a great feeling for both partners. Feeling understood, supported and like someone always has your back.
- Build your connection with each other in the tiny moments. You know the little moments that you might take for granted? Those moments where if you were ever to be without your partner, you would miss. Savour these and build more connection in them, it may be as simple as creating a perspective shift into one of gratitude.
- Express some interest in your partners interests and what they’re doing. I’m talking genuine interest. This sort of interest in your partner can actually lead to deeper levels of both emotional and sexual connection as well as strengthen your relationship.
- Spend quality time as a family. This one is really cool! Ask your children what spending quality time together as a family means to them… you might be surprised by that answer is! If you do this experiment can can you tell me what they say, I love what children respond with.
- Plan some special events with your kids on a regular basis. This will allow everyone in the family to feel nurtured.
- Let your kids know that you value your role as a partner and as a parent. By doing this you become such a positive role model for a healthy family relationship and you show your children that your partnership is sacred. You don’t have to choose between being a good parent or being a good partner. You can be both and you can work together to find that right balance which will pay off in the long run for your marriage and your family
Living apart or long distance relationship.
How do you spend quality time in your relationship if you’re living apart, long distance or if you’re in a lock down and one of you is on one side of the state?
- Prioritise your video calls. What better way to spend quality time with someone than by gazing at their face on your phone. It sounds funny but it is really nice to see your partner’s smiling face. It is beneficial for a long distance relationship as it allows you to build some trust with your partner by being able to see them in their everyday environment and living their day to day life. Video chats are also a great way to really get to know your partner.
- Date nights with your video phone. Schedule those date nights. It’s such a nice way to feel that you are connected while you are having dinner together. If you are apart you must get creative and this is a great way to create quality time.
- Cook a meal together via video phone. This is a pretty fun to do! Ensure that you both go shopping for all the ingredients prior. Turn on your phones and cook the meal at the same time, it is such a fun way to connect with your partner.
- Read the same book together. If you and your partner are into reading
- Take some online quizzes. A great one to do is the five love languages quiz and you can discuss your answers together afterwards. It is wise to get clear on your love languages so that you can understand how to communicate love to one another. For example, if physical touch is your love language then you two must find a way to make you feel loved when you’re not experiencing physical touch.
- Take your partner for a walk with you on video phone. Pop your headphones in and have a nice stroll and a chat together!
- Watch the same TV series. That way you have something fun to talk about.
- Sending a text each day. Your partner will feel supported and thought about. It’s really important to show up for your partner each day especially if you are a long distance and you’re not close to each other. Imagine receiving a text message every day from your partner saying you are the most beautiful person in the world to them… SIGH …how amazing.
- Write letters to each other. How cool would it be to receive a love letter from your partner? It is thoughtful and you could also put something exciting in there that will remind them of you. A simple gesture like this could mean the world to your partner.
- Plan the next face to face encounter. At least that way you have that to look forward to.
- Enjoy a long distance sexual connection. You could send sexy texts or even a sexy picture to your partner. You could even use video phone while you guys have some fun together over the screen. This will build up they heat for what it’s going to be like when you to actually see each other. If physical touch and sex is something that one of you really loves, this is an important point to work on.
You can see that if you have a long distance relationship or if you’re living apart, it’s really important to schedule time to do things together so that it feels like you ARE together.
If you have any other tips feel free to let me know on my Instagram .
I hope these tips gave you a little bit of insight into how to spend more quality time with your partner… Love on!